The Kyoudai Chronicles
by DancingShadowsUnlimited
Summary: As the hunt for the everinfamous Akatsuki continues, the band of criminals takes another loss.  Meanwhile, Konoha gets some new visitors like they never expected.  Starring David Hyde Pierce as Genei Saaberu!
1. Preface

Preface

I was recently introduced to Shonen Jump's _Naruto _and _Naruto Shipuden _by my younger brother and noticed firsthand that the show was rather bad, despite having a nifty premise and some pretty neat characters. Despite this admission, I'm still getting ragged by my little brother for not liking the show.

It was then that I realized, "Hey, And I remembered that that's what the site is there for: taking copyrighted stuff and adding your own little flare to it. And so I figured, "Why not make _Naruto Shipuden _actually cool? Why not throw in some niftyfied characters of my own?" Of course, I'm banking on the hopes that I don't make the story too grossly inaccurate, being as though the latter part of the show hasn't made it to the U.S. yet. In the event that I do, I apologize in advance to all the people who _are _fans. Please, don't hurt me.

And, having the luck that I do, I'll go ahead and put my disclaimer in there.

There. There's your disclaimer.

Enjoy, in any case.


	2. Prologue

Midnight. Hasu Sabayashi sat peacefully at a small tea shop nestled in the confines of her hometown, the skirt on her rice hat sitting ideally still so as to keep her face just shrouded enough. Seven years gone, only to find, upon return, that Takigakure was still packed with ignorant bumpkins. Still, they were her ignorant bumpkins. The least she could do was spare them pain and suffering.

Save for one. The Five-Tailed Demon Walrus had to be found, captured, and brought back for extraction, and, judging by a walrus's natural affinity with water, Hasu figured her hometown was a good start. As she ordered another tea, she pulled out a picture of her as a youngster, alongside her family. She didn't cry. She wouldn't, but it was…

"A tad gut-wrenching, don't you think?" came a voice from behind her. She quickly stashed the photo and turned to see a man decked out in an odd assortment of clothing. His pants were cliché and poofed out at his knees, where his black socks ended. His sleeves, too, were poofy, bound with elastic at his forearms, which were wrapped in typical netting. Over his gi, he wore a green Jonin command vest, and strapped to his back was what appeared to be an enormous boombox. His waist was adorned with a cloth sash tied much like those of the Sound Chuunin, but with a Kumogakure head protector, alongside an impressively enormous cutlass. On his head, he wore a rice hat more like an Amegakure ninja rather than Hasu's own, and the protector he wore on his forehead bore a symbol she was not familiar with.

"Hiya," he said cheerfully despite his eerie calm. He seemed to be smiling, from what she could gather from his oddly mismatched eyes. He glanced back down to where the picture had been and stated, "Nice family."

"Thank you," Hasu hissed. "Now go away."

"I had a family once," the man spoke, sitting down beside her, despite her warning. "Well, more like brothers than a family," he clarified. "Good team. Some of them evil, some of them pretty good."

"A Hidden Mist Swordsman," she announced. "Fascinating. Now leave."

"You think too much," the man possibly grinned. "But I must say, your reasoning powers are astonishing." He looked at Hasu and, noticing her hand growing tense under her large black sleeve, decided to change the subject. "Anyways, I'm sure you know all about a team of brothers, almost literally, even, being as though you don't have any other babes like yourself around."

"I said!" she began, then stopped. What was that? "What are you going on about?" she then demanded.

The man smirked, though not quite so kindly this time. "Oh, you don't really think that you can walk around in public with your freaky-scary robes and rice hats and not get noticed, do you?" He winked.

Standing now, and with the man's head being turned up towards the light, Hasu could see just how mismatched his eyes were. One of them had an unsetting, grey iris, though no pupil, while the other's iris was bright red, lined with and intricate ring on teardrop-shaped marks, much like…

Without thinking, Hasu sprinted into the darkness, hoping to use her skills to either leave the man far behind or draw him into an ideal trap.

"Hey!" the shop owner called after her, "You didn't pay!"

"Easy, now, fellow," the stranger spoke calmly, "I'll pay for it all." The owner blinked, shrugged, and accepted the payment. "And if I could get a bit of your strongest stuff, too," the man put in.

Hasu, now calm, waited in the trees outside of town, certain the man would pick up her trail. One thing was for sure: even if he had had just one of either of those eyes, he was good. But to have both…

…Well, she preferred not to think about it.

All she could do now was hope that the guy wouldn't catch her traps. He would have to be good, but she was in league with the top criminals in the world. She'd faced the best and won. If the traps didn't work, then she could pull it off for sure.

There was a snap in the forest, followed by a grunt of exasperation.

"Oh dear," the now-familiar voice came. "I have been snared in this here loop o' twine. How shall I ever escape?"

It was too easy, Hasu knew, but she had to check. Without the slightest hint of a sound, she bounded off through the trees to find the snare trap. Sure enough, the man's feet were bound by the twine, but, oddly enough, he was far from panicking. In fact, he seemed to be more concerned with the taste of his tea.

There was another, louder snap in the distance, followed by an impaling noise. The spike wall trap.

"Ow," the man's voice came with no real emotion. She looked back in the snare. The man was still there. Clones. How remedial. Maybe he wasn't so great after all.

There was an explosion, followed by a flat, "Ow, my face." Then, there was the roar of fire, and, "There goes my skin." An eruption of sharp objects cutting through everything, namely flesh. "The pain of a thousand pointy things," the man spoke in the distance. "I seem to be pinned down by a large rock." "I appear to have lost my legs." "Where'd my eyeballs get to?" "I'm certain my intestines shouldn't be right there."

Something was wrong. Most clones vanished with contact. These seemed to be staying put, toying with her.

"These seem to be staying put. Toying with me," Hasu heard her own voice say. She turned and was shocked to see the assailant standing behind her, fidgeting with a knob on his stereo, which she surmised was where the sound was coming from.

How had she not heard him? He hadn't even given off a chakra aura, let alone made a noise.

"How did I not hear him?" her voice emanated. "He didn't even give off a chakra aura, let alone make a noise."

"Well, now it's official," the man beamed, "You probably won't want to think so loudly like the people on TV.

Instinctively, Hasu flung the remainder of her kunai into the air and performed her hand seals, crying, "Reaping Waterfall Jutsu!" The kunai were upon him in less time than a normal human being could process. Unfortunately, he had, using only one hand, summoned up an "Acid Seal Jutsu," and, using the other had performed a Body Expansion technique, latching onto her face with his hand. Without thinking, Hasu lashed out with her foot, knocking him into his own floating Acid Seal.

"Oh, jeez, I'm burning alive," the enemy taunted as his flesh slowly fizzled away. Hasu backed up cautiously, but was soon snatched by five pairs of hands, all seeming to come from nowhere. Enraged, she attempted to fight against them until she finally couldn't and was crushed…

…Into a puddle of water.

Hasu, the real Hasu, grinned at this. He had taken the bait, used up an impressive portion of his chakra to initiate all those clones, use an acid seal and expand that many bodies, while she had used almost none. With a smirk of triumph, she removed her hat and flung it into the air, and then, performing her seal, shouted, "Victory Cutter Jutsu!" In an instant, the hat arced back down and forward, multiple more trailing behind it, all slicing up the forest like nobody's business. Wherever the bastard was, he wasn't happy.

"Yer dern tootin'," his voice came sarcastically from nowhere and everywhere at once. This wasn't right. How could he possibly be commanding from anywhere else, and with so much expended chakra? Where was he?

"Probably here," he began again. Hasu looked up and was met with a painful kick to the face, followed by an earth-shattering shot to the back and finally a nasty punch to the ribs. She crumpled to the ground.

"I'd be _really _impressed if it was you actually moving that fast," she coughed, attempting to save herself with perplexing comments. "But I know you're just using clones."

"Actually, you're right and wrong," the man put in, stepping up to her. "_We _are moving that fast." Two more clones approached from his side. "But if you _really _want, I'm sure I can arrange for _one_." With that, his clones morphed together, garnering a version of the attacker that was three times larger. As Hasu looked on, he smiled his wry smile and punted her through the trees. Hasu, though in pain and peril, thought quickly and launched her best "Vulcan Rain Jutsu" at him, watching the droplets whiz like bullets right through the thickest trunks and into the massive clone…

…Making it even larger.

In dismay, she simply allowed herself to fly through the air, finally making contact with a tree branch. There was a sickening snapping noise as she felt the worst pain ever, then lost all feeling in her legs.

Broken an bloody, Hasu lay on the ground, rolling over just to be able to breathe. As her vision blurred, the man stepped over her and looked down, now normally sized again.

"Water-style," she panted.

The man shrugged lightly and said, "Among other things."

"Are you," Hasu struggled, "Are you…?"

"Real?" he finished, then smirked. "No. Sorry."

"Then I…?"

"Yep. Never actually fought me."

Hasu let this sink in for a moment before finally gurgling, "You're good."

"It would certainly be a shame for a vigilante like me to go down in such an act of sacrifice," he readily agreed.

Hasu grinned with bloody teeth. "That's not a bad idea." She spluttered, then went dead.

Upon those last words, a mighty explosion ripped through the forest, entering soon Takigakure, tearing it and all those in it to pieces.


	3. Chapter 1

Torabushi sat quietly in the hot springs outside of Konoha, enjoying a chance to relax and not worry whether or not some poor bastard was watching. Quite frankly, he didn't understand how anybody could call this place "The Forest of Death," even if it had been slightly more intimidating two-and-a-half years ago. The place was never completely quiet, ruining the attempted "Dead Silence" motif, the opposing ninjas were generally rather stupid, and if nothing else, the giant tigers made ideal sentries and perfect allies.

At least, to Torabushi, anyways.

Well, whatever. The forest hadn't given him any trouble, save for the Smoke Village ninjas earlier. As of right now, there was nothing to worry about. Torabushi was sharp as a tack and surrounded by resting tigers. If not for that, then the title of the "Black Tiger of Kiri" should be enough to scare most ninjas off. Now was the time for relaxation…

…Until his watch went off.

He glanced down at the watch on the ground next to him. 12:30. He couldn't believe it. It couldn't be right. He couldn't have already been here for 30 minutes. He hadn't even fallen asleep. Sure enough, however, a glance towards the sun, now slightly off-center in the sky, reassured him that it was time to go. Sighing, he stepped out of the spring, gave an affirming scratch on the head to one of the tigers, and proceeded to dress: lightweight undervest, thick cotton overshirt (complete with the hanging sleeves), leg greaves, denim pants, and thick, leather, black boots. Then, he strapped his Red Lotus katana to his waist, tied his head guard around his right hand, smoothed his hair, and resituated his thin spectacles. Petting each of the tigers once more, Torabushi grabbed his pack and left the watch, an item, among others, he'd pilfered from the Smoke Ninjas, sitting where it was. He figured they'd want it back.

The forest was finally quiet again, which was always fun. He enjoyed the quiet, but he also enjoyed the thought that somebody challenging was following him. Of course, he was banking on the latter, a Heaven and an Earth scroll dangling from his waist. There was only one person he was after, but a good beatdown before that couldn't be objected to. In any case, if someone was following him, they were more of a…

…Nope.

Not breaking step for a moment, Torabushi continued on, listening intently to the conversation going on in the bushes.

"Fool! That is _so _him!" a silly, slightly high-pitched voice came, assumedly speaking to someone else.

"You sure?" another voice spoke, quieter, still maintaining the childish pitch. "He doesn't look like a samurai to me."

"He's got a sword, doesn't he?" the first added.

"So did Zabuza," the second answered, "But he wasn't a samurai."

"Just go get Kyoufu," the first commanded, "He can spot the guy."

Bingo.

"Fine," the second responded, leaping off.

Torabushi continued walking, and could hear the first teammate continuing to following him. After a moment, two more pairs of feet joined the first. The pursuit continued for a moment before the steps in the woods halted. Torabushi continued, not looking back until one of them screamed and leapt from the trees.

In the blink of an eye, Torabushi spun to avoid a strike from a crudely made gauntlet. In mid-spin, he grasped the attacker's wrist and began to fling the opponent. Before he could, the child aimed his finger at Torabushi and fired off a round, glowing blast that the samurai deflected with the guard on his right hand. The momentary lapse in focus, however, allowed the assailant to break free of Torabushi's grasp and flip away.

As he resettled, Torabushi took a look at his attacker, though he could recognize the child without even trying. He was short, maybe coming up to Torabushi's sternum, and, though not as defined as Torabushi, he maintained an impressive size for his age. He wore a royal purple button-up shirt that he kept unbuttoned to reveal his jet-black undershirt and leather bandolier adorned with random pieces of silverware and, more disturbingly, a hand grenade. His denim pants were rolled up just enough so as not to hang over his black-striped white shoes. His weapons were steel plates on his hands, one of which was his headband, that he had attached sharp ends to.

The most noticeable feature, however, was his face. His hair, though slicked back in contrast to Torabushi's longer, wavy hair, maintained the same shade as Torabushi's, and his chin, though lacking a goatee, was just as pronounced as Torabushi's. And his eyes, though a different color, gleamed with the same determination as the samurai's.

"Torabushi Kyoudai," the child hissed.

"Kyoufu Kyoudai," Torabushi responded with a grin. "Been a while."

"Three months," Kyoufu glared. "And all this while I've been planning my sweet revenge!"

"Revenge?" Torabushi queried. "You're not seriously still mad about me going the way of the samurai, are you?"

"No," Kyoufu answered., "You've done something much, much worse." There was a moment before did a small twist, pointed at his brother, and shouted, "You stole the last slice of my pizza!"

Torabushi let this sink in. Pizza? His 12-year-old kid brother was mad about a three-month-old slice of pizza?

"Because I know you're thinking it," Kyoufu finished, "Yes, I _am _mad about a three-month-old slice of pizza."

Torabushi recalled his last visit to Kiri, and the pizza his family had shared that last night. In typical Torabushi fashion, he had left early in the morning, long before the sun was up. Upon glancing into his pizza box, however, he realized that he had finished his off. Kyoufu's box, however, still had a slice left.

Thank heaven the child liked pepperoni.

Torabushi smiled at this thought, only to have Kyoufu exasperatedly shout, "Stop flashing back to my mental-scarring moments! Do you realize how long I mourned for that pizza?" Torabushi eyed him quizzically. "About thirty minutes," Kyoufu finished silently. "But now, I'm taking my revenge!"

"Don't be foolish, Kyoufu," Torabushi responded. "You can't beat me, and you know it."

"Which is why I have my mange!" Kyoufu shouted, pointing towards the bushes.

Nothing happened.

"I said, 'my mange?!'" Kyoufu reiterated. This time, a hefty child in a grey hoody and a pair of pants with one leg much shorter than the other stepped out of the bushes, a sandwich in his hands. Torabushi recognized this child, too. Despite his hair being solid black, and his fashion style being far from normal, his chin maintained the pronounced structure of his mother's side of the family.

Their cousin, Kyoufu's best friend: Yakkai Onokonoko.

"Any time you want to help me fight," Kyoufu demanded, "That would be nice."

"I thought you said we get lunch breaks," Yakkai replied through a mouthful of sandwich.

"You had a lunch break!" Kyoufu snapped.

"You said, 'breaks,'" Yakkai stressed, stepping back into the bushes. "I'll be right with you."

Rubbing his eyes, Kyoufu asked, "I guess that means Gaiyou is eating, too?"

With that, another boy, black hair cut short, an old bandanna wrapped around his mouth and sporting pair of sunglasses popped out of the bushes. He wasn't much taller than Kyoufu and wore a T-shirt wrapped with criss-crossing leather belts laced with numerous shuriken. His shorts were bunched up by a pair of leg greaves, each bearing the Hidden Mist symbol on them, apparently self-made.

"I got your back, Kyoufu!" he insisted, readying himself.

"Seriously," Torabushi began after looking the child over, "Does Shino Aburame know you've stolen his image?"

Gaiyou let his arms hang to his side and looked at his shirt. "No…" he spoke weakly. "I-I made this style." Offended and with nothing left to say, he bounded off back into the bushes.

Dumbfounded, Kyoufu looked at his older brother.

"Guess it's just you and me, little bro," Torabushi smirked. With a flash of resolve, Kyoufu readied himself Rain Dancer-style. Torabushi, however, simply stood perfectly straight, his side turned to his brother and right hand on his sword. A moment of nothing passed, and when Kyoufu decided that Torabushi wasn't going to move, the young ninja charged.

Typical.

Torabushi knew from experience that his younger brother was hot-headed and would rush headlong into battle, certain he could deal with his attacker's style when the two made contact. Torabushi, however, was unpredictable when it came to taijutsu, utilizing three styles that could be interspersed on a whim. Still, he had to admit, Kyoufu's form was just bizarre enough to be effective.

Kyoufu reached Torabushi and made a slip kick that flowed perfectly into a low spin kick. Torabushi stopped the first with his leg and knocked the other to the ground with a quick, withdrawn palm. He then attempted to knock Kyoufu off his feet, but the boy was sharp, and swiftly repositioned himself, turning his side to Torabushi's front. He attempted to backhand the samurai, an attack which Torabushi deflected with his forearm. Torabushi then whipped the same hand around, snatching the wrist, and then, with his other hand, forced Kyoufu's left shoulder forward, front-flipping Kyoufu onto his back. When the younger was down, Torabushi moved his arms in a graceful pattern, cocking back his right hand and palming a mighty hole in the ground that was nearly the fate of Kyoufu.

As he rolled away, Kyoufu had to get swiftly back onto his feet to avoid a tanto knife that stuck into the ground to the hilt. Now, Torabushi took the offensive. As he charged, Kyoufu made the typical "gun" hand shape and took careful aim. He fired off two shots of the gold chakra blasts. As anticipated, Torabushi drew his sword halfway from the sheath to deflect one, and then destroyed the other with an incredibly swift strike. Sheathing, Torabushi shoved forward hard with his foot and began a spiraling attack, arms extended. Kyoufu couldn't avoid, and so raised his arms to intercept a painful backhanded attack, the force of which knocked Kyoufu back.

"Alright, Torabushi," Kyoufu hissed, shaking the pain out of his arms, "You've been warned." He assumed his pose, and Torabushi readied himself, only to have Kyoufu begin to dance a very, very bad dance, followed by his signature point and the statement, "Cracker dizzle honky to the cracker whitey cracker."

For a moment, Torabushi didn't feel anything but embarrassment by his relation to Kyoufu. Then, he realized just how sad and embarrassing it was. So much so that it was…

…Painful.

Torabushi sank to his knees as an annoying pain racked his whole body, giving Kyoufu enough time to close in and roundhouse his brother, only afterwards performing an actually stylish dance.

Torabushi stood and rubbed his jaw. "Very nice," he chuckled. "First hit." He readied himself. "But I get the second." With that, he charged. As he approached Kyoufu at a blinding speed, Kyoufu lashed out, realizing only after the devastating punch that Torabushi had deftly deflected his hand. "And the third," Torabushi stated, loosing Kyoufu with a kick. "And the fourth!" he shouted, suddenly behind his unearthed brother, smashing him to the ground with an axehandle smash. As Kyoufu lay prostrate, Torabushi smirked, raised a fist, and said, "And the last."

As suddenly as he had assailed his brother, Torabushi was knocked back by a fist that seemed to come from nowhere, and then quickly knocked off his feet by a sweeping kick. Gaiyou, now back from the trees, then leapt up towards him and raised a fist, shouting, "Shotgun Jutsu!" Quickly, Torabushi rolled aside, narrowly a void a spreadfire version of Kyoufu's Disco Pistol. As he rolled onto his hands and knees, Torabushi looked to his side to see a wave of needle-like projectiles, Yakkai's Needle Release attack, which, even Torabushi had to admit, was a tough customer to avoid.

Of course, he was Torabushi.

With speed that debased his previous assault, Torabushi readied himself and systematically began bending and spinning out of the way of the needles, liquidly taking a few out with his blade in the process. With a final, almost sinister smirk, he sheathed the shimmering Red Lotus and eyed his opponents.

"Gaiyou, now!" Kyoufu shouted, pointing in the air. In response, Gaiyou fired off another Shotgun Jutsu blast into the woods. After a few seconds of nothing, a wild stag came charging from the forest, straight for Torabushi. However, to the dismay of Kyoufu's team, he quickly snatched the deer by the antlers and began to shove against the beast, his feet digging treads in the ground and his knotted muscle flexing harshly. Finally, he wrestled the creature to the ground, enveloped his hands in a blue flame, and loosed a shot to the beast's ribs, causing it to rapidly disintegrate into part of the forest floor.

"Deer Trample Jutsu," Torabushi commented as he stood up, "Not bad for a kid your age."

"If you like that," Yakkai responded, now to Torabushi's right.

"Check this out," Kyoufu finished, standing to the left. The two cousins assumed the same pose and systematically performed the same hand seals.

"Let's see how your fire holds up to this one!" Kyoufu shouted.

"Mange Supreme!" they shouted together. "Double Phat Rain Jutsu!" Torabushi looked to the sky. He had seen Kyoufu's Phat Rain Jutsu before, and was rather impressed. However, he had never seen the Double Phat Rain, as they called it, and was actually astonished by the massive torrent pouring from the clouds. Acting together, the two could direct where the flow came from and where the worst of it landed. Almost without thinking, Torabushi flung his arms over his head, shrouding himself in a shield of fire just in time for the blast to hit. The downpour resulted in an ankle-deep pool of water all around, but not much else, save for dip now etched into the ground around Torabushi.

Impressive control. Very impressive.

Despite the effort, however, the team found that not only was the shield not dissipated, it actually seemed thicker. Torabushi lowered the flame and eyed them.

"Sorry guys," he grinned, "But fortunately for me, my bloodline of the Mist Village gives my fire the properties of water and flame."

This time, Kyoufu actually did the wry smirking. "Then it's a good thing that was a distraction!" With that, the team was at Torabushi together. Gaiyou grabbed his leg, Kyoufu one arm, and Yakkai the other.

"Disco Pistol!" Kyoufu shouted, firing a signature gold blast.

"Spitgun Jutsu! Yakkai responded, spitting up a high-velocity shot of saliva.

"Shotgun Jutsu!" Gaiyou finished, loosing his own favorite shot.

Each blast met the samurai point-blank…

…And vaporized him into a puddle of water.

The saliva struck Gaiyou, the disco shot hit Yakkai, and Gaiyou's blast met Kyoufu.

"Well done, fellas," Torabushi's voice sounded from the forest as the team struggled to sit up. "Only one problem." A Torabushi came from the right, another from the left, and a final one from the front, each meeting a member of Kyoufu's team.

"You get," one said, punching Gaiyou.

"Too," another spoke, striking Yakkai.

"Excited!" the last shouted, hitting Kyoufu. The team was flung together as a coup de gras, and there they lay, one sprawled across another, reeling from confusion and dazed with pain. The Torabushi that had struck Kyoufu stepped forward as the other two disappeared. He grinned.

"If you're going to kill us," Kyoufu coughed, rather melodramatically, as if he'd acted this moment out for years (which, in all probability, he had), "Kill us. But don't expect any satisfaction from us."

Torabushi laughed. "Kill you? Why would I do that? You're my brother, my idiot cousin, and my brother's buddy." He removed the scrolls from his waist. "In fact, I came here to make sure you _didn't_ die. But first I had to make sure you were worth helping." He tossed the scrolls onto the sad-looking pile. "If not, I might have just pulled you out of the competition altogether." He looked down. "The water level's dropping quickly. You should make camp when it's done." He saluted quickly and walked off, pleased with the battle.

Kyoufu wanted to say something in return, but was interrupted by a tired, exasperated honking noise from Yakkai. With that, Kyoufu shrugged off the top of the pile, stood up, and promptly fell back, slipping into sleep. It was dangerous, sure, but he didn't really care. The battle had left him winded, but he had earned some scrolls, which he slipped into his bandolier. With that, he rolled over and fell asleep.

The ground was damp as Saisho Kemuri and his team of Smoke Ninjas snuck towards the sleeping band of Mist Village punks. He couldn't believe that they would just fall asleep in the middle of the forest like that. It seemed so easy, being as though the brats had the scrolls that the samurai had snagged from the Smoke team. Quickly, he tossed a rock out onto the grass where the short ones lay. Nothing. He grinned a toothy grin to his team and readied his chakra as the team crept over to the sleeping enemy. Smothering them in their sleep would be too much fun. He might even slit the fat one's throat.

There was a whir, a tearing noise, a "thunk," and a bloodcurdling scream as his comrade, Dai Sumoggu was pinned to a tree by a harpoon through his trapezius. He began to flail madly through the sickening pain until he couldn't stand it any longer and gave up.

"Careful," a strong, albeit smooth, voice announced from the trees, "Those kids are family to me." A tall, lankily muscled boy dropped out of the branches. "And if you hurt them," he readied himself, a sharp eye of unsettling determination fixed on Saisho and his remaining ally, "I might just have to hurt you."


End file.
